This question comes from Doug in Los Angeles.  He writes,

QUESTION: I just got divorced 9 months ago, and I think I’m ready to get back into the dating game.  I’m rugged and have a stellar personality – and I know that women will love me once I put myself out there.  My question is, how do you think I should go about putting myself out there?  Where can a 33 year old guy of my caliber meet a good woman?

TREY SAY:You are making my job very difficult for me.  How the f*ck am I supposed to take anybody seriously who says he is “rugged and has a stellar personality”?  I just picture a hybrid of Grizzly Adams and Howdy Doody for some reason.  It’s no wonder why your wife left your corny ass.  I don’t need to know what you look like, you nerd – just give me the damn facts.

Anyway, I know that you’re here because your New Year’s Resolution is to find a good woman in 2011…I get it.  So being the “stellar” advice columnist that I am, let me provide you with the top place that a dude in his 30′s can meet classy women:   Bookstores.  Just head there on a Saturday or Sunday and park your ass in the self-help section until you see a good-looking chick browsing through the books.  Why the self-help section, you ask?  Because the women who are interested in that foolishness have low-self esteem, and you won’t have to be on top of your game to spark some interest.  Here’s some sample conversation for you:

**You walk over to a woman reading a self-help book**

YOU: That is an excellent book, you’ll really enjoy it.

WOMAN: That’s what I’ve heard, too.  Have you read it?

YOU: No, I haven’t but a lot of my colleagues have, and they highly recommend it.  The concept is similar to the book I’m about to publish.

WOMAN: You’re an author?  Wow!

YOU: Yes, I wrote a book titled, How Women can Make Themselves Irresistible to Any Man. It’s received great reviews thus far.

WOMAN: I think that’s a great idea for a book.  I’d definitely buy it.

YOU: If you’d like, maybe we can meet for dinner at my place and I’ll give you the book for free.

WOMAN: That sounds great! How about next weekend?

Repeat this process all weekend, and you’ll leave with enough date options to last you until the end of 2011.

On to the second part of the plan…once you get each girl to come over, you’ll need to have the following conversation with them.

WOMAN: So tell me…how can I make myself irresistible to any man?

YOU: It’s simple.  Blow jobs.

WOMAN: Excuse me??

YOU: Did I st-st-stutter?  I said blow jobs.  Otherwise known as oral sex, the penis popsicle, etc.

WOMAN: I don’t understand.

YOU: Basically, if you offer to taste a man’s penis, you’ll automatically become irresistible to him.  You might as well practice on me while you’re here.  Go on…it’s not going to suck itself.  Get to work, I have another date, er…appointment at 10pm.

Now here’s where the probability factor comes into play.  If you’re good at part 1 of the plan, you should be able to get at least 30 dates from this.  If 25 of them slap the sh*t out of you when you pull out the “blow job” card, and 5 of them actually go through with it, would that be so bad?  I didn’t think so.

Let’s hope that the other 25 women don’t call the cops on you, or else you might be on the wrong end of a blow job in jail.  Let me know how that works out for you.