This question comes from Rich in Washington D.C.  He writes,

QUESTION: I’m a white guy, and there is this one black dude that I work with who thinks that “whitey” is out to get him all of the time.  He also has a lot of “Black Power” stuff in his cubicle and is a pretty damn scary dude.  Are all black folks secretly untrusting of white folks, or is this guy just an isolated nut-job?IS098RC2T

TREY SAY: Hi Rich, this is a good question, and I’m glad that you asked it.  I’m not “that” black guy who is secretly untrusting of white people.   However, you are on to something, because the majority of us black folks do not fully trust white people.   As a matter of fact, there are only three white people in the history of the world that blacks fully trust (listed in no particular order): Bill Clinton (I still think he’s black), Bob Barker, and KFC’s Colonel Sanders.  I don’t know one black person that wouldn’t give their Social Security Number to one of those dudes if asked.

It looks like the Malcolm X wannabe at work might be an extreme case.  Your favorite advice columnist will give you two options:  ”Option A” is to pack a nice lunch for him and invite him to eat it with you.  Here’s how it would go down:

YOU: Hey man, I packed a lunch for you.  Here it is.

BLACK DUDE: Um…KFC, watermelon, Kool-Aid, and “Now and Laters”?  What the f*ck?

YOU: I thought that’s what you black boys like to eat for lunch.  Am I wrong?  I tried to find some collard greens, but the soul food joint was closed.

BLACK DUDE: Collard greens??  And who the hell are you callin’ a “boy”?

YOU: Relax…maybe I should’ve just brought you a banana instead.  You’re asking more questions than “Curious George” right now.

What?  You don’t think he’d appreciate that?  You’re probably right, but the good news is that he’ll beat the ever-living sh*t out of you, which means you could press charges and he’d surely get fired.  All you’d have to do is have the following conversation with your boss:

**you walk into your Boss’s office battered and bruised**

BOSS: Oh my goodness!  What happened to you??

YOU: Jeepers, Mr. Bobo!  I just wanted to have a groovy lunch with Lamont, but he assaulted me all “ghetto style.”  I can’t work in such a hostile work environment.

He’ll get hauled off to jail, and you’ll never see him again.  However, if you don’t want to risk getting bones broken or look like a little snitching bitch, try “Option B.”

Go to your local record store and pick up Public Enemy’s It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold us Back CD. Simply walk up to his cubicle, drop it on his desk, look him in the eye, nod your head, and walk away.  I guarantee you will be best friends with him after that.  That CD is a national treasure to angry black folks, and the fact that a white person gave him the CD unsolicited will give you entrance into the club.

Damn, I’m good.  Let me know how that works out for you.