Archive for category A Dish Best Served Cold

This question comes from Rich in San Diego. He writes,

QUESTION:  There is a dude at my gym who always wears a Bluetooth earpiece AND sunglasses while he’s working out.  He is a complete douchebag and tries to act really important. For example, last week he said, “Yeah baby! Looks like we just closed another $100,000 deal!  Woot!  Woot!” I plan to kick his ass the next time we cross paths, and I’m asking you to change my mind.  Go for it.

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This question comes from Debbie in Los Angeles.  She writes,

QUESTION:  Thanksgiving is coming up, and my husband is a lazy sack of sh*t.  He won’t lift a finger to help me, because all he wants to do is sit on the couch wearing his ugly red Snuggie.  I’m not here for you to give me advice on how I can make him become more helpful, I’m coming to you because I’ve had it with him, and I want to teach him a lesson.  I also found out that he was cheating on me with one of his co-workers about a month ago, and the fact that he isn’t treating me like a princess after I took him back is totally unacceptable.  You’re pretty creative, so give me some advice on how I can make his life miserable.  I’m going to divorce him after the holidays anyway, so I’ll try whatever you throw at me.

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This question comes from Angela in Los Angeles.  She writes,

QUESTION: There is a girl in my office that I absolutely hate.  She’s extremely rude and mean to everyone in our department.  I don’t want to go to her boss with this because he would never listen to me.   However, lately I’ve noticed that she’s deathly afraid of germs and getting sick.  I think this might be the ”opening”  that I’ve been looking for, but I need help to exploit it.  Any ideas?

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This question comes from Diana in Los Angeles.  She writes,

QUESTION: I’m a UCLA grad student, and I made a surprise visit to my parents’ house during Halloween weekend.  My mom was visiting some friends in Santa Barbara, so my dad was home alone (or so I thought).  He probably expected me to be partying on campus during Halloween, so he was just as shocked as I was when I walked in to see him on top of some 22 year old girl (she’s younger than me!  I’m 24).  But here’s where it gets interesting… 

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This question comes from Tracy in Miami.  She writes,

QUESTION: I’ve been dating a new guy for about 4 months now, and things have been going pretty well until recently.  I went out with his guy friends last weekend for drinks, and he began sharing intimate details about our sex life with everyone.  Maybe I have good old-fashioned values, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to tell random people that I like anal sex, hair-pulling, and foreign objects.  I’m a hot woman, so maybe it helps to boost his self-esteem by telling his friends about this.  What do you think I should do about it?

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This question comes from Michelle in NYC.  She writes,

QUESTION: My husband hates Halloween and absolutely loves the Yankees.  As I’m sure you know, the Game 3 of the World Series happens to be on the same night as the holiday.  The problem is that I have four year old twin girls who love Halloween and they really want to go trick-or-treating that night.  Normally, I’d just take them out myself - but I broke my leg in a skiing accident last weekend.  Because he’s a lazy jerk, my husband made it totally clear that he’s not missing the baseball game for any reason.  So it looks like I have two options: Either I drug my children so they sleep through Halloween, or I rent a wheelchair so I can roll through the neighborhood with them.  What should I do?

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This question comes from Amanda in Los Angeles.  She writes,

QUESTION:  I go to the gym a lot, and call me crazy – but I only go there to workout.  I can’t count how many girls go there to look pretty, or to get picked up by guys.  This one girl in particular drives me nuts.  There’s this one exercise machine that I like to use, but she literally just sits on it and flirts with random guys (oh yeah, she’s always dolled up with a ton of makeup, too). When I politely ask her if she’s using the machine, she always gives me a dirty look and then uses the machine slowly, and continues her slutty behavior.  She’s a cute girl with a great body, but she thinks she’s God’s gift to men and needs to be dealt with.  Do you have anything creative in mind that I can do to her, that will not get me arrested?

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This question comes from Greg in Seattle.  He writes,

QUESTION: I’m a black man, and I’ve been working at a well-known and well-respected company for about five years now.  Anyway, I was the Project Manager for a large corporate product launch that lasted about four months, and I worked very closely with a big-wig executive from Paris (I’ll call him “Pepe”) over the phone.  When I finally met Pepe in person last week after the product launched, he said (in his French accent):  “So YOU are Greg?  This must be a joke!  You are too smart to be black!”  He laughed, and then walked away.  I didn’t bother going to Human Resources with my issue, because I know that they’d just ignore me.  So now I’m coming to the only person that can help me:  you.  What should I do to get this guy back?  I heard rumors that he’s looking to move to my city and work out of our office soon.  I can’t have that! Read the rest of this entry »

This question comes from Steve in Atlanta.  He writes,

QUESTION:  Trey, I’m at my wits end here.  I work for a small company with less than 20 employees, and my cubicle is right next to this guy that eats the nastiest smelling fish every day for lunch.  Not to mention, when he microwaves that foul sh*t, anything else you put in there tastes just like it.  For example, I brought in leftover pizza for lunch yesterday, and after I put it in the microwave, it tasted like someone rubbed fish guts all over it.  On top of that, he’s a sarcastic, condescending, bastard.  What can I do about this?  I want to tell my boss, but she’ll probably think I’m being a baby.  I can’t take another day of it. Read the rest of this entry »

This question comes from Liz in Los Angeles.  She writes,

QUESTION: Hi Trey. You have a pretty sick and twisted mind (and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible), so I figured I’d ask your advice on something.  There is this bitch at work that I can’t stand.  She thinks she’s always right (and she rarely is), and she’s extremely bossy (even though she’s not even in my department).  I want to make her life miserable without getting caught.  Any ideas? Read the rest of this entry »