TREY SAY: “Decision 2010″ had nothing to do with politics, government, or an election.  Instead it was all about a NBA player deciding what team he’d like to play for next season.  Celebrities of all kinds (including the leader of the free world, President Obama) made their pitches to LeBron James about the NBA city he should call home, and there was even a one-hour ESPN special about it. Of course I have thoughts about this, and I’m here to share them with you now.

First off, you all know that I’m a die-hard basketball fan.  Additionally, I was (notice the past tense) a big fan of LeBron James. He has Magic Johnson’s court sense, Michael Jordan’s athleticism, and the strength of a NFL linebacker. Unfortunately he has the intelligence of a High School dropout and the heart of a snake, and I can’t condone what he did this past Thursday night. Let me lay out a few of the issues I had with this “LeBacle.”

ISSUE #1: HOW HE TREATED CLEVELAND: Look, I live in beautiful Los Angeles.  There are hot chicks everywhere, great year-round weather, great parties, etc.  It’s about the same as Miami, except for the fact that they have more Hispanics, Republicans, and rain. Conversely, the city of Cleveland makes Baghdad look like, well…Miami.  I can’t particularly say I blame the guy for wanting to leave that craphole of a city. With that being said, Cleveland is a city that has suffered through a lot of sports heartbreak and despair. “The Fumble,” “The Drive,” “The Jordan Shot,” “Jose Mesa,” “Art Modell,” and now this.  If he wanted to bail on Cleveland, he should’ve done it like a man by speaking with the team owner face-to-face instead of doing it during the most self-aggrandizing travishamockery in the history of sports.

Here’s an analogy for you: Let’s say you’re a kinda dorky High School kid and you’re dating one of the hottest girls in school. It’s nearing graduation day, and you’re wondering if she’ll continue to date you once it’s time to go to college or if she’ll find another dude. You’ve dated her all through High School, so you’re pretty confident that she’ll stay with you due to loyalty and love, and then this happens…

YOU: “So have you made your decision yet? Do you want to be with me or not?”

GIRL: “I’m going to announce my decision during our graduation ceremony.”

YOU: “Wait a second – DURING our graduation ceremony?? Why don’t you just tell me now?”

GIRL:  “Because it will be televised nationally on ESPN, that’s why.”

YOU: “ESPN?? This has nothing to do with sports! Why are they even interested in our graduation ceremony?? Actually don’t answer that…”

GIRL: “Good. I’ll see you on graduation day.”

YOU: “I love you.”

***Your girl walks away***

YOU: “OK…”

***It’s graduation day. There are TV cameras everywhere and the auditorium is filled with 2,000 people. Your girl walks up to the stage and takes the microphone***

GIRL: “Hello everyone, before I make my announcement, ESPN is going to interview me for 30 minutes.”

***Some smug ESPN reporter asks your girl everything from what her favorite sexual position is to who her favorite teacher is***

YOU: (muttering to yourself) “All I know is that if she’s making this much of a production, she’s definitely going to stay with me. I’m feeling good right now.”

GIRL: “I’m ready to announce my decision.”

***Everyone rises to their feet***

GIRL:  “I’ve given this a lot of thought…but I’m going to bring my sexual talents to Jimmy Mills.”

YOU: “What the…Jimmy Mills?? Who the f*ck is he??”

GIRL: “He’s the starting quarterback for the college I’m planning to attend. He’s really hot, is great in bed, and will be a future millionaire once he makes it to the NFL. How could I not choose him?”

YOU: “But…I thought you loved me.”

GIRL: “Um, you’re a geek with a penis the size of a broken angel hair pasta strand. I only dated you because you would do my homework while I played on Facebook and listened to Ke$ha on iTunes.  C’mon…look at me and look at you – do you really think I’d date you once I graduated from this crappy school?

YOU: “Wow, I thought you were really nice. What happened to you? Why did you have to do this on national TV and make a fool out of me?”

GIRL: “Because at the end of the day, I only care about my best interests. Now please excuse me – right after I give Jimmy a blowjob, I have an appointment to get a boob job.  Later, loser.”

Do you think I went overboard there? Actually, I think I understated it – because as bad as that High School kid felt – multiply that by a Gajillion and that’s how the typical citizen of Ohio feels right now.  LeBron was one of Ohio’s own, a beloved son who they watched grow up in their state. They cheered him, defended him, and loved him. Don’t you think they deserved a little better than being pooped on in front of a nationwide audience? I think so.

ISSUE #2: THE PEOPLE WHO ARE DEFENDING HIM: Like I said earlier, he was one of my favorite athletes ever, but I’d have an easier time defending him on the basketball court than I would defending his recent actions off of it. Of course that didn’t stop people from trying.  I’ve heard it all:

“At least he donated the proceeds to the Girls & Boys Club.” Please. If he wanted to be so charitable, why didn’t he just donate the money from his own personal paycheck? I’ll tell you why – because he wanted to hoodwink the stupid people into believing that he’s actually doing a good thing without having to give up a dime of his own money.  

“At least he doesn’t beat women, get arrested, or do drugs.” Is this what the world is coming to? We’re giving people credit for actually obeying laws? Really??  I didn’t receive any props for not raping or killing anyone today, did you?

“Whatever. He’s still the best basketball player in the world.” Now this one really gets me.  Love him or hate him, do you think a guy like Kobe Bryant would ever ride the coattails of two of the best players in the league with the hopes of winning a championship? There’s a better chance of Mel Gibson donating money to a battered women’s shelter before Kobe did that. Why? Because as the immortal WWE wrestler Rick Flair once said, “in order to be the best, you have to beat the best.”  Kobe knows that, and would never damage his legacy as the potential G.O.A.T (greatest of all time) to take the easy way out.  Neither would Jordan, Magic, or Bird…and that’s why LeBron will never experience their level of greatness.

ISSUE #3: HE’S JUST A F*CKING BASKETBALL PLAYER! WHY DO WE CARE SO MUCH?  Hell if I know, but I think the world really needs a paradigm shift if nut jobs like me can write a whole column about a guy who dribbles a basketball for a living. BP is killing the environment, the economy still sucks, Haitians are still suffering, people are losing their jobs and homes, but for some reason we care more about a petulant, spoiled, narcissistic 25-year old athlete who doesn’t care about any of us.  Again, I ask – what is this world coming to?? I could write a separate column on that topic alone, but it’s far too depressing.

In closing, it’s definitely a human interest story to witness someone make the sudden and drastic transformation from one of the most beloved athletes in the world to one of the most despised.  It reminds me of another guy who is walking the same path. They share the same worldwide fame, the same out-of-this-universe talent, the same narcissism – hell, they even share the same December 29th birthday. Yes, I’m talking about Tiger Woods. Tiger clearly isn’t the same athlete after his scandal, and I’d be willing to bet that LeBron won’t be the same player for the rest of his career either. Speaking of the word same, (it will appear no less than seven times in this paragraph alone, so I might as well roll with it), I’ll never have the same love for sports after watching two of my favorite athletes fall from grace so quickly.  Don’t get me wrong - I’ll enjoy watching LeBron and Tiger, but now I’ll be rooting against them instead of for them, and that’s not nearly as much fun. 

Oh, and LeBron – let me know how it works out for you once my beloved Lakers beat you for the NBA Championship next year…if you make it that far.