This question comes from Pete in Burbank, CA.  He writes,

QUESTION:  I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 years now, and when we met she was hot.  Great body, very athletic, etc.  But for some reason, in the past six months she’s put on some pounds – like 30 of them, and she’s only 5’4.  She stopped going to Gym, and basically sits around all day playing on Twitter and watching crappy Reality Television (sorry man, I know that you have friends that are “Reality Stars” but I hate that sh*t).  Anyhow, I don’t find myself attracted to her anymore and I don’t know what I should do.

TREY SAY: No offense taken, bro.  Personally, I think our world is going to Hell in a handbasket due to three reasons:  Reality TV, Twitter, and EBay – and unfortunately, your girl contributes to 2 out of the 3.   In any case, let me see what I can do about your problem.

I’m sure that a lot of people will think that this should be a touchy subject, but it really isn’t.  Seriously, it’s like buying a 50-inch Plasma TV only to come home one day and notice that it got replaced with a 17-inch Black & White.  I doubt that anyone in their right mind would say, “It’s okay.  I can still watch my favorite shows on it and that’s all that matters.”  Riiiiight.  You invested in a Plasma TV and that’s what you deserve, dammit. 

Now here’s how you go about it.  Your typical advice columnist would probably have you drop hints and hope that she gets it – but not me.  Just hit her fat ass over the head with it.  If I were you, I’d say, “Honey, what happened to you?  You’ve gotten fat.”  If she’s like any woman, she will be mortified, but here’s the beauty of it – she KNOWS she’s fat, but she lacked any motivation to do anything about it – and your bluntness will be all of the incentive she needs to get herself back into shape.  In the event that your words just put her into a deeper spiral of depression, then you’ll have to get creative.  At that point, try ordering the “Ab Roller.”  You know – it’s that gimmicky thing that you see on late-night infomericals claiming that you can lose 30 pounds by using it for 30 minutes a week while you watch television.  I’ve never met anyone stupid enough to try it, but who knows, it could work for your chick.  Then she could watch her bad Reality TV and get her body back to where it used to be.

If none of that works, then that would suck for you.  To be quite honest, I have no idea how to deal with fat chicks because I’ve never dated one.  However, one of my male friends likes big girls and he says, “A fat chick is like a Moped – they are fun to ride, just as long as nobody knows that you’re doing it.”  I don’t know if that’s true or not, but he could be right – so maybe you’re missing out.  Let me know how that works out for you.